after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
