The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we made out on top of his cat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
