Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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