Pants 0. Shit 1.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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