i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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