My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize