I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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