woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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