the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
