I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo dont text me then not text me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
