I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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