I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
