Plan B is the new Plan A
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
