Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
