My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize