I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
