there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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