Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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