I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
