did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
