i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
