i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
