Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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