she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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