i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
