Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
