I just threw up on my dentist
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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