Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
