That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
