is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
