Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
