dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
