we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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