Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
