If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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