Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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