i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
