I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize