forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
