The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
