At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
3 2 1 whiskey
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
