At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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