I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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