I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
