I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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