In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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