Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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