some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
