I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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