so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
