I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
