I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
