I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do herpes really smell.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
