You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize