Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
