Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I look better un-naked...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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