I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize