big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
