so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
