just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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