I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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