Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
