I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
