this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
