and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
