their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
