Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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