I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
