careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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