he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize