It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
