Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
