why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
