just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
