i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
