I'm lost and stupid without you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
