i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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