Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
