Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
