They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
