We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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