Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
