it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize