Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
