your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
