I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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