well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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