remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think a kid would responsible me up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
