Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
