dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
